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Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Dear Hannah: LEarning (Do You Hear What I Hear? (Thoughts On Listening To Advice))



 
Dear Hannah,

Frustration is an emotional response to a lack of control ... of people, circumstances, outcomes, etc.
 
I am not in control of anything but me.
 
That establishes a clear boundary for giving and taking advice.
 
I am never in a position to tell someone else what to do.
 
Nor do I want to be - because I will not become responsible for someone else's choices.
 
However, I am well-positioned to offer the truth about my perspective.


Love,

Daddy


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"LEarning (Do You Hear What I Hear (Thoughts On Listening To Advice))"
By Derrick Brown
7-17-2017

Lawyers have tough jobs.

They provide wise counsel based on their knowledge and experience.

That knowledge and experience is often detailed and "deep".

There are many esoteric layers invisible to and beyond the "common man's" understanding (and interest).

That presents a challenge.

See - if we can't see it ... then it ain't there.

That is human nature.

So we all sometimes fail to heed wise counsel.

There is a price to pay when we do so.

Lawyers can make us pay for what they know - and what we don't know.

Or, they can make us pay even more for what we don't heed ... then end up in need.

Love, grace, and peace to all the lawyers out there.

I am using them as an external example here to enhance my own internal perspective.

Sometimes cloudy matters become clear when you look through another window.

Hear me, though - doctors, engineers, teachers, preachers, consultants and friends often experience the same frustration.

If folks can't see it ... then to them, it ain't there.

So how do you deal with the frustration that accompanies feeling like you are not being heard?

I have no answers.

I do have an approach that I am still LEarning.

First step ... remember what frustration is, Derrick.

Frustration is an emotional response to a lack of control ... of people, circumstances, outcomes, etc.

I am not in control of anything but me.

That establishes a clear boundary for giving and taking advice.

I am never in a position to tell someone else what to do.

Nor do I want to be - because I will not become responsible for someone else's choices.

However, I am well-positioned to offer the truth about my perspective.

Hear me twice.

I do not have THE truth.

I do have MY truth.

I am remiss to not share my truth - but I need to declare it as such.

I have crossed the line, though, when I think my truth is THE truth, and should therefore be your truth.

Second step ... I remember the times folks shared their truth with me ... and I still chose to learn the hard way.

I have a lot of those memories.

I can look back now and admit to emotions, attitudes, pain, frustration, and outright sin that charted a certain course for self-destruction.

It is possible that no one else knew, or even had a clue, about any of that.

At times, I wore my mask well.

Sometimes I still wear it.

But I digress.

Because of my own past and path, I am aware that I am never really aware of all the parameters that drive anyone's thoughts and actions.

So I ask silently ... what is happening here that I cannot see?

If I am lucky, I may never "find" what I cannot see ... nevertheless, I will search for it.

That helps me to maintain boundaries and balance ...

I want to discern, not judge.

I want to encourage - not enable.

I want to influence - not beseech (I ain't begging).

I want to reach - then teach.

I want to teach - not preach.

This way, I can speak with humility to what I *think* I see ... then shut up, watch and pray about the rest.

This is the position the prophet Habakkuk finally took after first believing that God was not listening to Habakkuk's counsel about Babylonian tyranny.

Say what?

Habakkuk felt God was not listening to him?

That's what I said, Fred.

I am aware of the irony, and will use it to illustrate a beautiful point.

Habakkuk stopped counseling God, then positioned himself to watch and pray.

Only then did God answer Habakkuk to confirm that the tyranny would end.

When the student is ready, the REAL teacher will teach.

I am always the student.

I am not always the teacher.

Selah.

About Derrick Brown (Standup Storyteller)



I am Keisha's husband, and Hannah's father.

I am a “standup storyteller.”

I fuse rap, spoken word (poetry), oration (traditional public speaking), singing, and teaching into messages of hope, healing, and change that I write, direct, and produce to help people who help people.

Everything must change - and stay changED.

Tradition begins and ends with change.

Change begins with me and the renewing of my mind ... then continues through efforts to effect small-group discipleship (equipping others to equip others) with audiences that respect and embrace mentoring, mediation, and problem solving as tools of change.

I am the product of my mentoring relationships, peacemaking (and peacekeeping), and problem-solving ability.

My education began when I finished school.

After school, I enrolled in a lifelong curriculum that includes classes in ministry, entrepreneurship, stewardship, literacy, numeracy, language, self-identity, self-expression, and analysis / synthesis.

My projects execute a ministry that has evolved from wisdom earned through lessons learned.

I want to share this wisdom to build teams of "triple threat" fellows - mentors, mediators, and problem solvers.

We will collaborate in simple, powerful ways that allow us to help people who help people.

I now know that power is work done efficiently (with wise and skillful use of resources, interests, communication, and expertise).

Copyright © 2020 Derrick  Brown. All Rights Reserved.


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